Showing posts with label Down Syndrome. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Down Syndrome. Show all posts

Friday, March 20, 2015

Happy World Down Syndrome Day and Stuff (It's Probably the Drugs Talking)

Although I am currently sitting with one leg up on the coffee table, Robaxacet and a shot of Toradol on board, an icepack on my sciatic nerve... One butt cheek propped on a couch cushion, in my new home in the middle of the frozen Arctic... Don't think that I'm not aware that tomorrow is World Down Syndrome Day.

It's the most Holy of Holies in our little corner of the disability universe.  The day.  The big one.  Blue and yellow will be everywhere and Sedna help us, we are still with the mismatched and "silly" socks.   There will be pride, yes... and there should be pride.  The extra chromosome, the condition, the disability, the whatever-you-want-to-call it, the thing that is Down syndrome, does not preclude one from their humanity, their right to happiness (and the ability to seek that happiness). 

Pride.  Yes. 
Be loud and goddamned proud.

I'm also very aware that I don't get to hold my son every day any more... that would be the hazards of isolation nursing, being away from your family for long periods.  But, that doesn't make me any less involved in his parenting (even though I am physically thousands of miles away from him).  Ahhh, my little man and his newly found skills...  In the time since my last post, he is now walking and running.  He is talking more and although he has always been very good at getting his point across using a combination of sign and Wyatt-sign and sounds and body language, he's decided to go with words.  Which is cool, because that's how I communicate most of the time too.  I say most, as I have to admit that I do use a lot of non-sensical grunting, hand waving and sighing most of the time.  I just tell myself that it's part of being the mother of three kids.  Or a psych nurse.  Or something.  Yeah...

I have a lot of pride for him too.  I'm proud of all my kids.  Every time they figure something new out or add a new trick to the repertoire, I'm on about it for days.  They amaze me, these little people.  It amazes me that my eldest can rhyme off the first 10 elements of the periodic table.  It amazes me that my daughter, who is the spitting image of me (only prettier), can climb almost anything and completely destroy a room in under 30 seconds... and convince you that it is all in good fun.  It was no less amazing to find out that Wyatt, the guy who wasn't allowed to hold the phone for the longest time as he would press all the buttons and hang up on Mommy in Nunavut, decided to call both my BFF and my mother and have conversations with them both.  Just, y'know... because he was bored.  And he could.  And eff anybody that thought differently.  They might have not gotten the full gist of the conversation, but man, he was as pleased as anything at the results.  And so am I.  Way to show us up, dude.

There's a lot of other things that I'm aware of too, despite my new postal code and our flighty "InterNOT".  The 'new and improved asylum' debate (like that is somehow up for debate).   The sheltered workshops issue.  That cute is still king, supposed superpowers, angels and pedestal ableism, the r-word, the tragedy rhetoric that is still every-blessed-where, and somehow, in some way, devaluing or marginalizing a group of people is ok, because, y'know, that's your opinion and that fact alone somehow warrants validity. 

Oy.  I may need more pain killers for that lot.

I haven't written anything here since November.  I'm aware of that too.  That doesn't mean I've faded off into the sunset (or wandered off into a northern blizzard if that analogy is more appropriate and to your liking).  I just haven't had the spoons or the words to say what I've been mulling over.  That time is coming again, thankfully.  Once I get off this couch, that is (I've resorted to lying on my side and typing now).

There's a whole lot of awareness. Up. In. Here.  But, as I've said numerous times, that alone really doesn't do anything.  Getting better and finding my spoons and doing the education through the advocacy... well, that changes minds.  Making sure that both my twins are included fully in the classroom this fall, not just one of them... well, that is doing something.  All the little considerations and leanings in that I do... those help too. 

This is about as aware as this World Down Syndrome Day is going to get for me.  If I do get off this couch at some point, I may shuffle off into the sunshine and visit some friends.  I may wear socks too, but only because it is still -30 here and only in my boots.  I will Skype my family later on and hear of the day's discoveries and accomplishments.  The subject of Down syndrome may or may not come up.   But if it does, I'll answer questions to the best of my ability (as I generally do). 

It won't come up with family because Down syndrome is just an is at this point.  It's not the elephant in the room.  It's no longer the "we have to do this and this because of that" thing.  It's just one facet of my son.  It's a tiny part of our busy life.   It doesn't make more or get in the way of any of the love that is already there.  He's a boy, doing boy things and taking part in the world around him.  Like we all do.

That's the part that I wish more people understood. 


Happy World Down Syndrome Day
#WDSD15

Ugh.  I can't even...

Friday, November 21, 2014

The #T21BlogHop - November 2014

It's November and time again for the #T21BlogHop.

I know things have slowed down around here lately, and that has been a regrettable necessity.  It will be more apparent in the coming weeks the whys and hows and WTFs, but for now I will endeavor to keep this blog hop running and catch up on my #IntheNews posts.

In the meantime...

Inclusion, and the necessity for, the benefits of and the undermining thereof have really been on my mind lately.  Not just in my personal life and the upcoming kindergarten debut of my twins in the fall; it's everywhere I seem to look or go lately. 

In my mind, if it's still a question, if I still have to whip out, on the fly, an article on why inclusion benefits everyone, if I still find myself having to explain that yes, they are going together in September, to the same school and possibly the same class and everything... then this topic still has to be addressed.  

So, for November, the theme is INCLUSION.  As always, non-themed disability advocacy posts are welcome.

Add a post.  Tell your friends.  Spread the word.  Inclusion benefits everyone.

This blog hop will be open until midnight, November 23.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The T21 Blog Hop - October 2014

As we find ourselves in October once again, I must admit, I'm feeling a little more optimistic than last year.

October, traditionally in the USA, is Down Syndrome Awareness Month.

Last year at this time, I (and a few more like me) were met with a certain degree of resistance regarding the gulf between awareness campaigns and the actual creation of a climate of acceptance.  I personally was mocked, received hate mail, was party to some online bullying... and I didn't get it half as bad as some of my fellow bloggers get on a regular basis.

With that, and my ongoing health concerns, you can imagine why I have remained reletively silent lately.

However, hope does spring eternal.  In my silence, I have been able to listen... and have been delighted by other voices taking up the call.  Acceptance, not awareness.  Meaningful inclusion.  Equality.  Justice.  These words have been a battle cry, and will be again.

For now, I will re-share a few of my older pieces for this month;  words that I solidly stood by in the past and continue to do so now.  Not surprisingly, the theme for this month's Blog Hop will be acceptance, of not only Down syndrome and other developmental delays/intellectual disabilities, but of disability in general.  I will also invite colleagues, friends and bloggers from all over the world of disability to participate; there is so much we can learn from each other.  There is so much more that we all have in common.

Please join us for the next three days and read some wonderful writing about acceptance, meaningful inclusion, equality and justice.  Perhaps together we can make a larger impact.  Perhaps we can find another few voices along the way.



Monday, September 1, 2014

In The News - August 2014


A collection of news articles, blogs, stories and information about Down syndrome, disability and special needs, from Down Wit Dat's Facebook page.  These are from August 2014.


Legend:
AUDIOindicates an audio clip
APPEAL indicates an online petition or plea
BLOG indicates a blog post
CASE indicates a lawsuit or proceedings
EVENT indicates a scheduled event
IMAGE indicates a graphic, image or comic
LAWS indicates a new piece of legislation
LINKS indicates links or resource materials
PHOTOS indicates photos
POLL indicates an online survey
POST indicates an advocacy statement made through social media
PRESS indicates a press release
QUOTE indicates a meaningful quote
STUDY indicates a study or discovery
THREAD indicates an online discussion thread
VIDEO indicates a video or movie clip
VLOG **NEW** indicates a video blog post


BLOG
Mealtime Musings: Needs Matter
BLOGDisabled Americans fighting for the right to save more money
IMAGE"Image Description: A layered light purple and yellow background, painted with vertical..."

Preschoolers with special needs benefit from "inclusion" classrooms


7 Things People With Disabilities Are Tired of Hearing

Toronto, people with disabilities deserve better
POST"Good news! It looks like Build-A-Bear Workshop is done with Autism Speaks!! We will keep everyone updated... #BoycottAutismSpeaks"

BLOG
Depression: Here's a Big, Fat, Fuck You
BLOG
Aspergers and Depression: the masking effect (autism spectrum disorder)

BLOG
IMAGE"Yeah he's different.  Doesn't always do things like you and me.  But you know what? He's my Grandad.  And together, we got this..."

BLOG
Deeper Levels of Stigma

Douglas P. Lathrop, Editor of Kids on Wheels, Dies at 50
IMAGE"The people we support are fully human and equally sexual, when accepted, will lead to huge changes in how we help people". - Dave Hingsburger
IMAGEHow to support someone who's depressed
POST"Saddened and disappointed by this from Richard Dawkins..."
BLOG
The T21 Blog Hop - August 2014
POST"Down Syndrome Ireland statement in response to Richard Dawkins comments on Twitter regarding Down syndrome..."
BLOG
My Anxiety is Not Disordered
BLOG
We are perfection
POST"Richard Dawkins does not apologize. He sees no fault in his logic of equating Down syndrome with suffering and is unable to examine the fallacy of..."
BLOGGrowing Up into an Autistic Adult
BLOG
Autistic Sun
BLOGAdvocacy and Self-Advocacy - What’s it all about?
BLOG
Depression: Here's a Big, Fat, Fuck You
BLOGThe Question of Acceptance
BLOG
highest highs and lowest lows
BLOG
Bullies, Bigots and Buffoons, Oh My
BLOG
BLOG
The Speed of Lightning
BLOG
BLOG
Words of Power
BLOG
Power Cafe!
POST"I have been looking deeper recently. I am unpacking independence and the..."
POST"I've apparently invented time travel as I woke up to this:..."
BLOG
This place is New.
VIDEOSpecial Needs Student Served Lunch From Trash

BLOGBalance
EVENT
BLOG
Putting the "Health" Back in "Mental Health"
BLOG
Picking Rocks
BLOG
I Don’t Need Your Awareness

Police issue service animal reminder

IMAGE"My brain injury may be invisible.  But I am not..."
BLOGX Years of Experience


IMAGE“I would rather die in a fire tonight living in my own home than live to be a 100 years old living in this institution"

August also saw another edition of the T-21 Blog Hop...


Thanks to all who participated.

The T-21 Blog Hop will take place every month on the 21st, for three days and will continue to feature advocacy posts from across the disability community.


...And that's the news.  Keep the stories and information coming!

Friday, August 1, 2014

In the News - July 2014


A collection of news articles, blogs, stories and information about Down syndrome, disability and special needs, from Down Wit Dat's Facebook page.  These are from July 2014.


Legend:
AUDIOindicates an audio clip
APPEAL indicates an online petition or plea
BLOG indicates a blog post
CASE indicates a lawsuit or proceedings
EVENT indicates a scheduled event
IMAGE indicates a graphic, image or comic
LAWS indicates a new piece of legislation
LINKS indicates links or resource materials
PHOTOS indicates photos
POLL indicates an online survey
POST indicates an advocacy statement made through social media
PRESS indicates a press release
QUOTE indicates a meaningful quote
STUDY indicates a study or discovery
THREAD indicates an online discussion thread
VIDEO indicates a video or movie clip
VLOG **NEW** indicates a video blog post


BLOGAutism and Psychiatric Diagnoses
BLOG
A Brief History of Down Syndrome, Part 2: Before John Langdon Down
IMAGEEscalation of violence pyramid.
BLOG
The Battle…
IMAGE"Image description: Picture of a young woman wearing glasses and standing in what looks..."
IMAGEInclusion vs Exclusion

VIDEOThere Is No Excuse for Children With Intellectual Disabilities To Be Educated In Separate Classrooms
IMAGE"Image of a woman wearing a blue zip up sweat shirt. She is holding two signs..."
POST

BLOGDon’t teach kids that their body is wrong

Amy Purdy Goes Nude for ESPN Body Issue
POST"Today in Mighty Girl history, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, the founder of the Special Olympics..."
BLOG
Asking for Accommodations
BLOG
A Father’s Powerful & Extremely Personal Thoughts on Parenting

BLOG
My Story: So Much More Than Just a Girl Who Uses a Wheelchair – Embracing Disability as Part of My Identity
The Sexual Politics of Autism
IMAGE"Image Description: A darkened photo of a woman's face appears behind a computer..."
Author of U of T study says dyslexic children should be screened for physical abuse
BLOGThe Poppy Seeds


Girl With Autism Speaks at City Hall After She Says She Was Caught on Overheated School Bus

IMAGE"Image description: A woman, wearing glasses cozily holding her very young son while they..."
POST"It looks like Netflix is airing the Autism Speaks Documentary "Sounding The Alarm" now..."
IMAGE"Image description: a young woman with the text, "I am autistic. I am NOT a tragedy..."
IMAGE"Image Description: Black and white photo of a man, sitting in front of a large body of..."
BLOGIT HAPPENED TO ME: I Was Wined, Dined And Body-Shamed On A First Date
IMAGE"Image Description: A photo of a man with long hair and beard, wearing a striped button..."

The Weird, Scary and Ingenious Brain of Maria Bamford
POST"In their flagship Manhattan store this week, JCPenney unveiled a new collection of "real..."
EVENT
The T21 Blog Hop - July 2014
IMAGE"Image Description: Back ground is greenish Text reads: I am autistic I do not live..."
One of Marvel’s Avengers Turns to Sign Language
IMAGE"Image description: A young man is wearing a hoodie is standing in a grassy field looking..."
VIDEO

The Relationship Between Creativity and Mental Illness
BLOG
The Messiness of Blogging


In July, A Brief History of Down Syndrome... was featured in BoingBoing.  Thank you very much!

This month also saw another edition of the T-21 Blog Hop...


Thanks to all who participated.

The T-21 Blog Hop will take place every month on the 21st, for three days and will continue to feature advocacy posts from across the disability community.


...And that's the news.  Keep the stories and information coming!

Monday, July 21, 2014

The T21 Blog Hop - July 2014

Its that time again...

Once again, July is an "open theme" month.  There are so many really good campaigns going on right now...

Linky will open July 21st at 12:00 AM EST and close July 24th at 12:00 AM EST, allowing folks three days to submit their entries for this month's showcase.

Add your post(s) (old or new) to the linky below by clicking the link and following the instructions. If you need further instruction for adding a reciprocal link to your blog post, follow this link.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

In The News - June 2014

A collection of news articles, blogs, stories and information about Down syndrome, disability and special needs, from Down Wit Dat's Facebook page.  These are from June 2014.


Legend:
AUDIOindicates an audio clip
APPEAL indicates an online petition or plea
BLOG indicates a blog post
CASE indicates a lawsuit or proceedings
EVENT indicates a scheduled event
IMAGE indicates a graphic, image or comic
LAWS indicates a new piece of legislation
LINKS indicates links or resource materials
PHOTOS indicates photos
POLL indicates an online survey
POST indicates an advocacy statement made through social media
PRESS indicates a press release
QUOTE indicates a meaningful quote
STUDY indicates a study or discovery
THREAD indicates an online discussion thread
TWEETS **NEW** indicates a Twitter Hashtag
VIDEO indicates a video or movie clip
VLOG indicates a video blog post


IMAGE"ac•tiv•ism \ˈak-ti-ËŒvi-zÉ™m\ Intentional actions to bring about societal change. Often used..."

A Point of View: Happiness and disability

Court throws out 'mental retardation'
IMAGE"Parody of the PETA "got autism" ad. A bowl of milk with a smiley face made out of cheerios..."

Why my daughter's birthday shames those who think people with Down's are not fit to live

Finnish Education Chief: 'We Created a School System Based on Equality'
BLOG
#yesallwomen Includes Women with Disabilities.
POSTMDC Class Action Law Suit in Store?

CA cop fatally shoots 18-year-old special needs girl after family calls for medical help

Mother charged in death of daughter, 22, with cerebral palsy who weighed just 40lbs
IMAGE"There can be no "cure" for Autism, because Autism is not an entity. There are only Autistic..."

IMAGE"the diversity of human brains and human minds. The enormous diversity among individual..."
BLOGTTC driver refuses to let riders in wheelchairs exit bus
TWEETS#‎StopAbleismBecause‬

IMAGE"help·er /ˈhelpÉ™r/Well intentioned person who wishes to assist those they perceive to be.."
POST"In a thoughtful act of generosity, an officer aboard a private chartered flight that we had..."

BLOG
The Ashley Treatment Rears its Ugly Head
BLOG
What Is Autism?


'Subminimum wage' for disabled workers called exploitative
BLOG
Five Steps Toward Autism Acceptance
BLOG
An Argument Against Pathologizing Autism – What Others Had to Say
BLOG
(Not So) Idle Hands

'Mommy blogger' accused of killing her 5-year-old son for Internet fame
BLOG"It's not easy being green, and it's not easy being Autistic when Autism Speaks treats..."
BLOG
A friend of mine.


Her Body Type Is So Ignored In The Magazines That We Don’t Even Notice It’s Missing?
EVENT
The T21 Blog Hop - June 2014
VIDEO
BLOG
S.R. Salas post: “Advocacy In Others’ Words” for T-21 Blog Hop @Down_Wit_Dat
BLOG
Mommy is Mad @SesameWorkshop
BLOG
Don't be a Dick*
BLOGThe Joy of Acceptance
BLOGWhy I Will Never Be an Autistic "Warrior Mom"
IMAGE"Autism is not what Autism Speaks wants you to believe. They have spread many lies..."
BLOG
Deconstruction by Design: A visual history of the Liberal attack on education
BLOG
The Room
BLOG
GUEST POST - Keep Abortion Politics Out of the Pro-Information Movement
BLOGDisability: My Connection
BLOG
BLOG
Why My Dad Isn’t a Hero or a Saint: A Father’s Day Tribute
BLOG
Camp Goodwill

BLOGThe Downside of Assumptions
BLOGAdult Autism and Program Leadership: Yes, It’s a Big Deal.
APPEALPlease let Amazon know how offensive this merchandise and the like are

A Mighty Girl
IMAGE

June also saw another edition of the T-21 Blog Hop...


Thanks to all who participated.

The T-21 Blog Hop will take place every month on the 21st, for three days and will continue to feature advocacy posts from across the disability community.  See you July 21st!


...And that's the news.  Keep the stories and information coming!

Saturday, June 21, 2014

The T21 Blog Hop - June 2014

It is with great delight that I greet summer today.

Most people at this time of year kick back, take vacation and generally take things a little easier.   Or if they  choose, use longer days and sultry nights as an excuse to raise a little hell. 

Unfortunately summertime, with all it's activities and sunshine and whatnot, is not a respite from discrimination. There are a lot of really good active advocacy campaigns going on at the moment; in lieu of a specific theme, I encourage all to post.

For June, let's kick off the summer by making a little noise.

Add your post(s) to the linky below by clicking the link and following the instructions. If you need further instruction for adding a reciprocal link to your blog post, follow this link.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

(Not So) Idle Hands

I woke up yesterday morning to the sounds and smells of a summer that is almost here.  I lay there, delightedly breathing in wet-grass-laced-with-peonies while four separate bird songs rang out against the background hum of early morning traffic.  It was a beautiful kind of morning, one that I have not only found again, but also re-learned to appreciate.  The gentleness.  The sweetness, made extra so by the sense of stolen time as these moments were fleeting and would end suddenly as soon as the twins woke up.   My regret for leaving my bed faded as I slipped on my gardening clogs and headed outside to plant before it got too steamy and our morning too busy.

Normally my garden would be in by now.  Although our growing season is shorter than our southern neighbours, we generally have things in the ground after May 2-4 weekend (Victoria Day--the third Monday in May) as that is usually a good landmark for last frost.  Usually.  This year wasn't the case so initially it was good that I was behind schedule, but now that we are looking at the middle of June, those extra three weeks could make the difference between an extra batch of canning or not.  Normally, I would be panicking and in full grown "shoulda/hafta" mode... I should do this... I "shoulda done" that... I hafta do this... I DEFINITELY hafta do that... and so on.  Not this year.  Not this year by far. 

This year I wouldn't even have a vegetable garden if it wasn't for my brother and my Mom.  My mother starts all her seedlings herself and she sent some leftover plants down.  My brother also had a few left over that he had purchased commercially.  Most of them had sat on my front porch, "hardening" well beyond the point that they should have.  I decided on this gorgeous morning that I was going to take the time and put them in once and for all.

I carried my seedlings out back and took stock of what I had.

Plants from my Mother
[Photo description:  many tomato seedlings in labelled plastic drinking cups.  They are very green and healthy.]

Plants from my Brother [Photo description:  Several tomato seedlings in two square plastic commercial pots.  They are not as green and healthy.]
From Mom I had a couple Roma tomato plants, several Glamour (bright red, medium tomatoes), and a some called Canabec (which is a shorter growing, pinkish tomato), a black cherry tomato plant and something called "Matt's Wild Cherries".  I'm not sure who Matt is and why his cherry tomatoes are wilder than other people's, but hey.  Free tomatoes.  My brother gave me some Sweet Million cherry tomatoes and five Yellow Boy tomato plants.

Usually I have vegetables and herbs but this year I am just doing tomatoes.  First rule of gardening:  only plant what you desire and have time for.  I divided the tomatoes from the cherry tomatoes and started pulling weeds and preparing the soil to transplant.  As I was doing so, my mind wandered.  That's one of the best parts about gardening actually, the ability to allow your thoughts to meander gently in all directions as you connect yourself physically to the earth.

As my mind drifted, I thought about my kids and my advocacy work and how lately, my heart has not been into maintaining my online efforts.  They too have gone fallow in spots, overgrown with weedy spam in others and not as tended to as they should be.  Again, I would normally launch into another round of "shoulda/hafta", and a lot of guilt and self-loathing but not this time.  Not this time by far.

I started thinking that my garden is a larger metaphor than I ever imagined.  If I cultivate here, put my efforts there, something else is going to do without.  It's a metaphor for my own life, and in turn rather a microcosm in a much bigger one.  I know a few of you are now scratching your heads and wondering what I've been smoking, but bear with me for a bit.  Right now, I'm taking the "English Garden" approach to most of my online efforts, hacking away at major issues here and there and generally leaving them alone for a while to divert my attentions elsewhere.  I just make sure there is a path through the taller foliage.

Instead, I'm cultivating my family and myself. 

It's an exciting time for all the kids:  Wyatt is just on the edge of walking and comes up with new words every single day.  Zoe continues to astound us with... well, everything about her, really, while Quinn is finishing second grade and constantly offering up facts about the most random things that amaze all assembled. 

Me?  Well, I'm coming along fine, thank you.

There will be plenty of things to write about and this blog will not slowly recede into the creeper and the ivy.  However, the subject matter will continue to blossom beyond my son's chromosomes, to include disability, mental health/illness and more.  As it should, because ultimately this blog is about a family, not just one boy with a diagnosis.  Many things grow in our garden, some exotic, some more familiar, some toxic, some therapeutic.  It's really just a matter of perspective on each of these things as well, as what is poisonous to some is healing to others.

Before I leave you to work on the other two pieces of writing that occurred to me as I pulled weeds, transplanted, prepared the soil and marveled at the warming breeze that cooled the sweat on my back, I told you all of that to tell you this:  Life, especially mine, is very much a garden.  Some years you have good weather and a long growing season, some you don't.  Sometimes you get hail or high winds or blight that takes out your whole crop.    Sometimes you have to leave the soil fallow for a whole season, barren and naked to the elements and allow for renewal.  Some years you have to pay for the excesses of others and nurture the soil, adding nutrients, destroying pests and cultivating a rich medium in which to grow.  You grow what you can manage, sharing the excess with family, friends and neighbours.

You get some surprises too:

There will be those that volunteer to help:

My surprise "volunteer" tomato [Photo description:  tiny tomato seedling that grew in the garden of its own accord]
 Those that visit for a time:
Feral kitten that hung out with me before vanishing through the fence [Photo description: tiny grey striped kitten calmly sitting upright underneath a child's raised sandbox]

Those that you thought gone, yet make a surprise return:
Rosebuds on the bush I thought I lost [Photo description:  rosebush stem with 5 rosebuds on it]
 And those perennial friends that are faithful no matter what.
White peonies [Photo description:  White peony bloom with bud surrounded by green leaves]
There are also spiders and ants and earthworms and other somewhat icky things that have their role, just as much as the dirt and sweat.  But together, this garden, this life is a beautiful thing.  You just have to take a deep breath of the morning air, step back, behold the wonders that it offers... and occasionally prepare to get your hands dirty.


[Down Wit Dat Will Return...]

Monday, April 21, 2014

Welcome to the T-21 Blog Hop - April 2014

When I resurrected the T-21 Blog Hop last October, I did so with the idea that regardless of whatever month or theme I had chosen for a particular 'hop, it would always be open for pure advocacy posts.  That has not, nor will it ever, change.

This month, there is a lot going on in the various disability communities.  Instead of picking a topic or jumping on a popular organization's bandwagon, I'm going to let the posts and their authors speak for themselves. 

If I had to pick a topic to go with April, I'd say "Acceptance" or "Advocacy".  Both of those begin with A, right?  However, truth be told, those should be the themes for every month, as they are the drum beat that spurs folks like the ones you are about to read, on.

Shower us with Acceptance and Advocacy posts.  It is April after all...


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Circle of the Sun

"Babies are born in the circle of the Sun
Circle of the Sun on the birthin' day
Babies are born in the circle of the sun
Circle of the sun on the birthin' day.
Clouds to the east, clouds to the west
Wind and rain to the north and south
Babies are born in the circle of the sun
Circle of the sun on the birthin' day..."
-Sally Rogers, Circle of the Sun (Children's song)


It's been a year.

One year ago today Wyatt had the surgery to repair his heart.

Although I often find myself agog at the passage of time, this milestone in particular holds a great deal of significance.  That was the day that the surgeon corrected the blood flow in his heart, sure.   It was also the day that the ever present fear of discovering my child blue and in congestive heart failure was removed.  It was a day of transformation for my little boy, as the ruddiness that appeared in his cheeks and the rosy glow that his skin took on heralded the increased oxygen to all his cells.  More energy, more movement, more development.  More life.  It was simultaneously the first day of the rest of his life and singlehandedly the worst day of mine.

Those that truly know me well know that there very little that frightens me.   Call it world weary, call it educated, call it what you will, but even my own death will come when it does.  There was a brief period last September when I was being investigated for a bunch of things, including liver cancer, which if discovered, would have put my life expectancy at around three months.  "Well, this fucking sucks..."  I thought to myself, having used up what could have been the first month in diagnostics and being very ill.  I was not fearful about my possible death however, just sad that I would lose my children.

It's a completely different story when the life that is threatened is your child's.

They say that a little bit of knowledge is not always a good thing and in this case I tend to agree with them.  I often wonder if knowing what I know, if being a nurse and coming from the background that I do if that made this whole experience more terrifying.  If ignorance, in this case, might have provided a little bit of bliss.  I'll never know for sure I guess, but it has provided fertile thought for many of the sleepless nights that followed. 

I've tried to explain to many of my childless friends and colleagues what it is like (for me) to be a parent and I still don't think I've gotten it quite right.  I have yet to find the words to easily describe the overwhelming fierceness and tenderness that grips you.  How your vision narrows at a perceived threat, how all prior knowledge, fact and experience merrily flies out the window as the emotion, as whatever this motherness is, rushes over you.  Physiologically your body responds and goes into crisis mode.  Mentally, you bare your teeth and are ready to fight to the death.  Over a skinned knee even.  There was no "crying it out" for the babies in this house, as hearing my children cry is pretty much tantamount to torture for me.  I cannot bear it.  I will not.

Twice I've handed over children to a surgical team, once when Zoe was six weeks old and still small enough to be tucked into my shirt.  With her it was sheer protectiveness;  this little girl that I had just had gotten home and started to get to know I was now giving back.  For a minor thing yes, but the thought of her tiny fragile person in any sort of danger superseded any logic or reason.   Wyatt's surgery, naturally, was so much bigger.

In the days leading up, we were told of the risks.  Every aspect of the surgery was explained, detailed and explained again.  We knew what to expect.  We knew what scenarios could arise.  We knew what complications could occur, including a very real, statistical possibility and the only one that preoccupied my thoughts:

Death.

Thankfully, that did not happen.

I detailed his hospital stay, a time whose details and edges have been worn down as if by water.  Those days, those days of constant "go mode", where tasking took the place of actual thought and feeling are long over.  In their place is a robust little boy, who rushes wide-eyed through his day as he vocalizes his joy and frustrations and fights his sister for toys instead of the sleepy little baby in the crook of my arm or riding on my hip.

The transformation was immediate once we got him home.  Prior to the surgery, he was commando crawling, standing and learning to creep on all fours.  With a sore chest and ribs that were barely wired together, naturally that could not happen.  I think it took him a full day of sitting in the middle of the floor, folornly watching his siblings buzz about before he figured out he could "scoot" along to get where he needed to go.  He had to relearn to stand, to use cutlery (he's still working on that one) and to relearn the signs that he had known prior.  He has done this and more.  He is still not walking, but that is not a big surprise to me at least.  Ask anyone who has open heart surgery and they will tell you that up to a year or so afterwards your chest feels weird. Every time you move, every time you cough or sneeze, you swear things are moving around in there that shouldn't be.  Now that we are at the year mark, he is crab walking and learning to stand on his own and it won't be long before he walks on his own unassisted. His hesitation to try new things has disappeared too as he has healed, which has made him bolder, more brazen like his sister.  Which is fantastic and horrifying at the same time, and serves to give me more grey hair every time he falls off something.

In the time it has taken our planet to circle around the sun once, this whole experience has become something that happened in the distant past.  Sometimes it seems like it happened to some another family.  Sometimes I will come across a story or a event or even a smell, and certain aspects will be called up in glittering detail before me.  I'm told by many a parent who has been in the same place that this may always be the case... and I'm okay with that.  Mainly as my son will have many more circles, more discoveries, more developments, more life.  As the song goes, there will be circles for learning to walk, learning to talk, learning to navigate through this world.  Next February the twins will be registered for kindergarten and we will set up our first IEP.  Half a circle later they will have their first day of school and embark on the next stage of their lives.  There will be wind and rain and storms and all sorts of things that blow into our path, and I do not have the foresight to predict what each new year will bring.  But I know, as I write this, as a little face appears at my side and a chubby fist tugs at my elbow while saying "Up!", that we have made quite the journey.  His arms are around my neck and his hand gently pats my shoulder as I type this one handed.  I will walk him across the sun warmed floor boards in a moment and praise his attempts to wave my hands off.  But for now, I will kiss his forehead and he will gaze at me wisely before hugging me tighter.  We have come a long way, this child and I.

Full circle, even.

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